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A Love Letter To Postal Pat

How can you not love a man who invites the opposition to suck upon his imaginary lady parts before the biggest game of his career? If you look hard enough you’ll find decade-old footage of a shirtless Evra demanding Frank Lampard do just that. It was prior to the Champions’ League semi-final against Chelsea in 2004, and to the best of my knowledge no pussies were harmed in Monaco’s safe passage to the final. But a strange sort of precedent was set. This was no ordinary footballer.

More of the same followed his transfer to United 18 months later. So impressed was he by the setup at Old Trafford that he quite harshly suggested he’d be the “king of all c*nts” were he to fail at the club. Notwithstanding a nightmare debut versus City (singled out as a weak link due to his height; mercifully hauled off at half time) it’s safe to say he has since escaped the title of royal tw*t. Unless you’re a Scouser. Or a Chelsea fan. Or a Gooner. Or Malcolm X wannabe Lilian Thuram.

United supporters love getting behind a national pariah – Cantona ’95, Beckham ’98, Ronaldo ’06 – and Evra certainly has his fair share of loathers across the country. Whether it’s mocking the title pretentions of Arsenal’s ‘kids’, falling out with thuggish grounds staff during post-match warm downs, or daring to be black around Luis Suarez, the feisty Frenchman makes a habit of inducing vitriol from all the right people. Of course it results in reds everywhere rallying behind him and arguing his case, but their love is more than a mere defence mechanism.

Patrice doesn’t do things for effect. He may relish getting in the heads and paining the arses of foes but it’s far from hollow mischief. Nor is he a causeless faux rebel with a Morrissey complex. He genuinely believes in everything he says and does. Fans sense that and it resonates with them. In a game of unbelievably tedious bores with all the individuality and charisma of stale Ryvita, Evra is a hurricane of personality. There’s nothing inhibited or scripted about him. The impish smile masks strong convictions he is willing to agitate and fight for. As we all hope would we.

Maybe it’s a fullback thing. Rafael da Silva has the same courage and zest to his play; Gary Neville a similar fan-on-the-pitch attitude. Perhaps it’s something to do with patrolling the length of the touchline each game and being within earshot of the stands. Whatever the reason there’s a special affinity Evra shares with the United support that’s rare and true. It may sound trite but he absolutely gets what it means to wear the shirt, and the fans respond with pure affection. A good thing too as he has needed that well of kindness at times.

Consistently brilliant in his first few seasons at United, his performances waned badly in what should have been his peak years as a footballer. Lack of competition and overwork have been blamed for his strange loss of mojo, but thankfully the last twelve months have seen a resurgence. He’s been buckling swashes all over the shop and added a goal threat to his leftfield marauds. Sadly, there’s a sense of final curtain about it all. A final hurrah to his famous Old Trafford adventure.

At the turn of the year the ever quotable Frenchman was asked about rumours linking him with a move to newly rich Paris-Saint Germain. His response seemed as irreverent then as it is poignant now: “You’d have to kill Ferguson before I could go!” Thankfully the great man is very much alive but as far as the game is concerned the king is dead. David Moyes has taken the throne and with him come loud whispers of a move for Leighton Baines. We face the prospect of shoegazer replacing showman before the Summer festival season is out.

It will be a desperately sad day when Evra says goodbye to his adopted home. If there’s one player since Cantona who has come along, with no previous allegiance to the club or city, and married them so completely to his soul, it is he – the little man from Dakar with a heart as big as Senegal. We all know that football fandom floats far above mere statistics and reason, and that’s evidenced by the fact most United fans would mourn Evra’s loss far more than Rooney’s possible departure. The reason is simple: the latter’s loyalty was always bought, whereas the former gave it for free.

Evra is – and always will be – one of us. Imaginary lady parts and all.




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195 Comments

  1. AlphaRS says:

    Isn’t Bebe better than Young though?

  2. Wakey says:

    @CC
    You haven’t watched man matches then. He had two bad games, one was the FA Cup game but not one player in that team put in a performance and Bebe wasn’t the worst. The second was the league game against Wolves and he was the worst player in that game (although again it wasn’t totally his fault, the wind in that game was making crossing tough even for the more experianced players)

    The rest of his matches he put in fairly solid performances

  3. King Eric says:

    Yes Mata and those two fags Oscar and Hazard can play but provide fuck all cover thus leaving the Rentboys unbalanced and wide open. They only have that shit bastard Mikel to mop up.

  4. TheCANTONA says:

    LOL isco is officially madrid’s player now. bitter tears for Holy Trin heh?

  5. GoatontheRocks-Shaken not Stuuuuured says:

    King Eric
    Hows the family fellah hopw all is well. My mind isnt what it used to be and memories of Arthur Albiston are very sketchy to say the least. Irwin however I seem to remember everything about the boy even the semi final playing for Oldham against us. He just stood out somehow. Unspectacular but so very assured of himself.
    I am a bit hard on Pat as I am with Rooney and Rio. I just find them dissapointing. Rio not as much so but feel that maybe he has shortened his career by a year but Ill guess we’ll never know, hes done well anyway. Evra is a clown, no two ways. I still respect him as a footballer and cheer him on but Ive never been one to be a fan of celebrities or the person. Im intrigued what drives a person to do the things he does but when it comes to having to speak to the person Id just sooner not bother. I suppose the people I admire the most Scholes, Irwin, Charlton are the type of people who wouldnt care much to talk to me either. No desire to have praise sung at them and would rather just get back to their normal life and back home where they are happiest. Arsehats that need a constant pat on the back or hear their names chanted to get performance out of them are just a little too much for me.
    Arsehat No1 has to be Rooney. I take a huge interest in potential United targets and players in general and believe just like Sir Alex did that a certain type of character fits in with a club like United and Rooney has developed into a spoilt brat that just doesnt fit the bill. He is Nicklas Anelka 2.0
    A huge waste of talent but he’s one of those self destructive personalities, no matter the love or admiration thrown his direction it will come back and smack you in the face.
    I just wish it was a summer about the excitement of a new season instead of the Rooney show.

  6. TheCANTONA says:

    @goat:
    u’re a cunt but u’re right about rooney all this time, i sincerely offer u my apology….

  7. Traffordium says:

    @goat-was ronaldo an arsehat as well?

  8. King Eric says:

    Goat. Good thanks mate. Tom’s 18 month now and growing up by the day. Thank fuck he’s grown out of MakkaPakka and rest of them freaks. Irwin NEVER had a bad game. Top drawer at defending. Great going forward. Both footed could play either side. Free kicks. Pens. Absolute pro and all round top bloke. Great servant for United and still at the club. One of my favourite ever United players.

  9. King Eric says:

    Goat. Sorry posted before I’d finished. How’s your lad?

  10. Dan-young says:

    alphaRS .. have you even seen strootman play?! .. I have and people seem to think he is a defensive midfielder that guards the back 4 but he does not do that atall. his positioning is average (nothing special) and he likes to roam about the pitch to try to get a goal. I rate cleverly higher. he has a good crunching tackle on him but its not worth £20 mil atall! to think strootman is worth quarter of Ronaldo is a fucking joke in itself!.

    also Ronaldo could be snatched for £65 million when you take into account this is the last transfer window for them to get any good money for Ronaldo so time is definitely not on their side atall, therefore putting us (his favoured destination, in my opinion) in the driving seat.

  11. cyrus says:

    Evra needs to stay at the club to nurture the next generation… Baines would be a nice addition IF we didn’t already have Buttner and Fabio in waiting.

    … Evra could & should be one of the ‘mature’ players that gradually fits into the background coaching staff.

  12. CC says:

    @Wakey

    Im sorry mate – I will never be convinced that BEBE is a solid player – he just isnt.
    Seems like a nice lad but that whole deal was a funny business and he was only ever shoved on the pitch to pretend he really was a talent they had to snap up for £7million when the week before he was £50 thousand – they even shoved him onto the trophy tour bosses to make it look like he was a REAL part of the squad.

    No biggie mate, if you think he was OK then fair enough. Maybe we dont need Ronaldo after all if Bebe is coming good this year lol

  13. The King is Dead. Long Live the King! says:

    Brilliant post! I hope stays :( A LEGEND through and through

  14. CC says:

    In fairness Bebe is better than Ashley Young hahahaha

  15. CC says:

    So who is betting that Friday sees Moyes announcing something special ?…………….. or will it be a low key “Yes Im settling in and yes I am chatting with Wayne” press conference
    I think the later and then the following week there is a lot of announcements.

  16. Sushi says:

    Whatever happens on Friday I want Moyes to lay down the law for the press they better learn their place like they did under Fergie. Anyone asking idiotic questions should be banned from the next one to show nothing has changed. This lot needs to be be told forcefully to fuck themselves.

  17. In David We Trust says:

    Costas – I think the idea Moyes starts on July the 1st was a huge blunder, for me it should have been around mid June, and even if its July, it should not mean our transfer business should be so slow to get out of the traps, the club almost feels this squad can do the exact same thing has last seasn, they having a laugh, and not players being bought, but sorting out players future’s, Christ not only are we dealing with the rooney situation, but Nani and evra’s future’s are yet to be sorted out. For me who the hell is running the joint? adding the fact there is a possibility zaha could be loaned, a player we will end up paying 17 million for in the end, it is crazy. This summer almost feels like the 04/05 season, taking forever to conduct our transfer business, its not good enough

  18. Sushi says:

    @ David that’s what I was saying earlier as well in Less than a week we are off to the longest Pre-season trip in history at 3 weeks which eats up all of july then come back for Rio testimonial then get ready for Community Shield and then season starts.

  19. NBI Red Onion says:

    Bebe to be fair has done well in Portugal, no longer the raw clown he was.

    How come no info on Rooney meeting? How can that not have leaked when all of us are waiting desperately with the glass to the door.

    Moyes – United will listen to offers over £30mn for Rooney – please.

  20. Raizzen says:

    Ronaldo will always be a player I remember.

    A player I remember who had no qualms throwing tantrums to force his way out of the club. And to me, United is more than a love story, its personal. And trying your best to get away from something that personal to me is insulting and it hurts.

    He may be a club legend and may have spoken about United with the utmost respect. But a little part of me will never forgive Ronaldo for what he did. To be talking about him with such excitement on the backdrop of a departure of so loyal a servant such Evra makes me wanna puke.

    My 2 cents worth.

  21. Adam says:

    “It’s worth noting the irony that the Star are suggesting that Rooney will hand in a transfer request over an argument about not handing in a transfer request. Frankly, it’s bizarre”

    no kidding.

  22. Wakey says:

    @CC

    Your information however is slightly out though. He wasn’t available for 50k the week before.

    He had just had his first pro season at Estrela who played in the Portugese 2nd division and he became their standout player for the season so when they got into financial trouble they tried shopping him around Europe for £125k. Having not had any formal youth football and playing for a 2nd div team in Portugal no-one was willing to take a punt. The club got into,worse trouble and stopped paying the players so Bebe became a free agent. As is common abroad agents are always looking for players they can purchase the economic rights for so Mendes added him to the dozens upon dozens of players he purchased economic rights in and proceeded to find him a club. He signed for Vitoria on a contract with a minimum release clause of around £2mill and then Played a number of friendlies where he set the place alight and Vitoria instantly gave him a new contrat with a clause of £7mill. The friendlies caught the eye of a number of people including CQ who recommended United kept an eye on him. When it was reported that clubs like Real and Benfica were making enquiries United reacted and triggered his release fee but not with £7mill upfront as people like to claim but an offer of around £4mill and a further £3m in addons. £4m is nothing to prevent being beaten to someone showing potential . United have taken punts on such payers before at much higher value (Infact Zaha is very much the same kind of punt)

    And seriously if you think he performed worse than a number of players with formal youth training such as Obertan, Bellion, Miller, Djemba to name a few than Yiu are deluded. He was raw as anything in all the games he payed but people seem to be unfairly critical of him based on TWO poor games and the fact that people like to use him as examples of the Glazees being cheap and he doesn’t deserve that. He didnt set the world alight but he wasn’t the joke people like to make him out to be.

  23. Sushi says:

    Why did we let Daehli go??

  24. GoatontheRocks-Shaken not Stuuuuured says:

    TheCANTONA
    No apology needed, I would love to have been proved wrong. Id prefer to be classed as a no nothing dick and have a happy striker at OT doing the business and winning us trophies beyond what is expected of the best team in England than be correct – alas.

    Traffordium
    Far from it. Just because a foreign player doesnt dream of playing in England as a schoolboy DOES NOT make him an arsehat. He wanted to join his dream club. He told the club and agreed to stay one more year to help us out. You forget Tevez was supposed to be his ultimate replacement but it was Tevez who acted the arsehat. Ronaldo acted like a gentleman. He could have sulked and bitched and demanded this and that and not turned up for training but he did his job, he was excellent at nearly every opportunity and by his actions Real never could take the advantage and get him for much less than he was worth. Ronaldo due to his actions probably made us £50m extra. He is a true footballer and the best player to have ever graced the game.

    King Eric
    The boys grand. A complete pain in the arse, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
    Irwin is one of my favs and definitely in my best united 11 as LB.

  25. Traffordium says:

    @goat-well I agree but his attitude arguably changed in his final season with us.Dont get me wrong,heck we’re all thankful for the outstanding role he played for us…but remember the sunderland game(walking off before substitution)Well his class allows for an ego but lets face it he was no pure goody two shoes.Yup though,Ronaldo was definitely not an arsehat.On a lighter note,is anyone on this blog a bebe fan to fight his case?haha.No,seriously,bebe was raw but let me ask,is he the worst signing ever?

  26. nesh says:

    @Scott great read the previous blog on Chelsea and “Abromvich” was bollocking my head everytime i open the site!! No Offense to Mr Vidic but Evra is my captain purely for the number of games he plays for us as captain.

  27. rohan_19 says:

    @Wakey : I agree with you completely.. Bebe isn’t the talentless clown he’s made out to be.. He has all the attributes, its just a question of realizing available tools to become a decent footballer..
    However I do feel that the deal was shady and it was not usual transfer business. Something was promised during that deal and hence money exchanged hands. Its a working theory between me and a friend..

  28. WeAreUnitef says:

    TheCantona

    Look, not saying he’d become a United player, I just don’t rate any Pool manager besides Rodgers now who is building a good team. That’s why I believe he could have done better.

    But I do get what you’re saying mate!

    @denton i thinl you wrote about baseball? And it’s true, some just don’t cut it with the big boys, but I sincerely believe it’s all down to the manager on spoting talent and getting a confidence player be a strong player, Nani for example isnthat kind of a player and SAF did not give up on him until recently, not saying that players are not on fault, but a manager gives you the belief.

    But yeah!

    Can’t understand why did we sold Daehli, lets hope that buy-out clause is handy for us and it’s all business for playing time! Peace

  29. Rukky says:

    Lol maybe Bebe could actually be better than young

  30. zigoo says:

    another day another transferless day…

    its moyes first press conference,and i eagerly await what he has to say about rooney,thiago and nani.

    i for one,cant for the love of god think of why we cnt just give thiago his damn clause?he will play anyway…

    our mid is not gd enough and this guy will improve it by 50 percent because lets face it,apart from carrick,the rest are average and below….cleverley despite looking initially good,is a half decent player in all honesty but not a midfielder who will make the cm role his own…i would not be surprised to see him sold within the next 2-3 seasons and kagawa aint a mid.giggs is 40,and scholes has retired…jones aint a mid either.

    lets see what today brings

    i will laugh and cry if moyes says we arent even interested in thiago and it was all paper talk

  31. zigoo says:

    bebe,diouf,djemba,kleb,bellion,ricardo,howard are the worst signings of the 21st century that we have made…oh and liam miller,he was so shit we even forgot that he played for us.

  32. AlphaRS says:

    @Dan-young
    That’s like saying Alcantara at £17,000,000 is slightly more than twice as good as Bebe at £7,500,000.

  33. Costas says:

    @In David We Trust

    I share those concerns. Especially when I look at our first 3 games of the season. Not sure if Moyes could have started any sooner due to his Everton contract and all. It certainly hasn’t helped that we also have a new chief executive this summer.

    The club probably could have made Moyes’ job a bit easier by not arranging such a huge tour that will deprive the team of crucial hours of training and rest, but what else is new? Manchester United is more a circus than a football club in recent pre seasons…

  34. samuel - united WE stand says:

    1. They have no proof bebe was 7mill or more 2. There were circumstances surrounding him abd he needed time to develop which he has done well at rio ave, proving the talent is there but needed confidence and more tactical knowledge. Some fools call him a “flop” but only a person with a brain the size of a tiny bacteria would have had huge expectations of him, he didn’t have much coaching as a kid and was far behind all players, he was always going to be stat struck but he has galvanised himself by working hard on loan to improve, whether good enough for united depends on moyes, not on a one toothed beer bellied pirate looking cunt

    3. There’s a lot of “if you fall then remain down” mentality around by weak minded humans, they think that not succeeding straight away is the be and end all of life, these are weak minded people and the world is filled with them.

    Bebe may or may not make it, i’m sure moyes will check him out. Bebe will have a professional career at whichever club he finds, heard sporting, a big club proficient at developing younger players want him, shows how well he has done on loan.

    Those that want to Mock him should do so as much as they want but he’s already on a decent ladder by believing and not giving up, at least he fought for everything unlike the scout boys and girls we see on these shores that can barely string two passes together let alone win a cupcake. Those in the media and “sitting high on a horse” fans mock bebe but he will achieve more than they dream of, he’s already got himself to the highest level despite given absolutely nothing to start with, at least he’s experiencing the bright lights while many will perish eating cold tuna sandwiches in the back of a dirty van

  35. mjcRED says:

    Still no sign of any players being signed while the teams around us just seem to be getting on with it and securing their players. We seem to shell out millions on untested and limited players such as Bebe, Nani and Anderson etc.., Yet when linked with players of genuine class and potential we dither around only to miss out….

    Why do we seem to kick the arse out of the majority of high profile transfer targets? I know that our club should be able to attract the very highest calibre of player but my fear now, right or wrong, is that the low profile of our new manager and backroom team will see us missing out drop back behind our big spending rivals, both on these shores and elsewhere.

    I really hope the new set up will not further see us sleepwalking down the route of being an efficient but creatively limited team unable to get near the continent’s elite teams.

  36. Dan-young says:

    alphaRS .. that’s pointless because im talking about players in this transfer window. I could have said strootman isn’t 3 times the player hernandez is but the reason I chose Ronaldo is because theres a chance we could bid for him this summer so wasting a third of what could bring him in on strootman is fucking ridiculous. funny how your only reply was to do with me comparing his fee to someone elses. im guessing your answer to ‘have you ever seen him play’ is no.

    and in an actual reply to what you said .. yes thiago is a much better player then bebe, and better play then strootman even though his fee is cheaper. so thankyou for backing up my point.

  37. NBI Red Onion says:

    @ mjcRED – what are you talking about? We signed Germany and Englands best players last year. Patience. I am sure the club is not trying to ruin its own future it just works quietly.

  38. NBI Red Onion says:

    Its not a choice of ronnie or MF players its both, all in play.

  39. OJM says:

    mjcRED

    – Calm down FFS. Sniff some smelling salts, sit down, take a deep breath and see what the transfer window brings. It only bloody opened on Monday!

    And as NBI Red Onion (who I don’t always agree with) pointed out – we signed Premier League POTY and Bundesliga POTY last transfer window!

  40. Squeaky says:

    haha suck my pussy. Classy.

    Slightly off topic, if Moyes keeps Rooney and sells Nani he’ll look like a bit off a twat before our season even starts. He’s never managed a player of Nani’s ability. Ever. But he does have experience of barking at his defenders to double mark him. No brainer to keep him.

    But I wouldn’t mind if Moyes sells Rooney. Thanks for the memories and that, but Fergie wasn’t lying about that 2nd transfer request. Will Wazza get better or worse over the next 4 years? I say sell him for a fortune now and start Hernandez every game.

    If Rooney spat in Fergie face, questioned our dressing room, and shagged a granny, what do you think he’ll do when he falls out with Moyes for a second time? Suck his pussy?

  41. AlphaRS says:

    @Dan-young
    What is wrong with you? Getting alittle excited aren’t we? It’s not even the weekend and you’re already licking windows and playing with your crayons.
    Yes I have seen him play and he is a box to box midfielder. Just because I stuck him next to Carrick in a mock formation doesn’t mean I think he is just a defensive midfielder.
    United have not signed a first team midfield player since Owen Hargreaves so bringing in Strootman would be a good idea to freshen things up.
    The point I was making was that players are worth what someone is willing to play for them.
    Ronaldo isn’t coming back to United anytime soon.
    If you want to pretend that United can conquer Europe with this midfield then you’re wrong.

  42. Toms says:

    Love pat. I think his decline came after a fucking high peak and during the years you would expect him to excel. When he was on top, I believe that he was unquestionably the best left back in Europe. He has oodles of attacking flair with defensive nouse. He also played 60+ games during that time. Now as he aged (he’s 32!), we should expect some decline in his attacking flair but he has served us well. Yeah. It is time to start looking to move on but there should be no shortage of gratitude for one of our own. God knows what role he played behind the scenes gelling the squad.

    Baines just feels like a funny signing depending on the price we get. I don’t think Evra has declined enough nor that baines adds enough for long enough (maybe if baines was 26/27) to be worthwhile. Maybe Moyes feels a sense of loyalty to baines?

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