The holes in the published FA report regarding Patrice Evra were embarrassing. The bias towards the Chelsea perspective were ridiculous, with emotive phrasings and opinions given to several United testimonies, yet no judgement was made upon those of Chelsea’s.

It was in this report that it was confirmed that despite having CCTV footage of the whole incident, in which a member of Chelsea’s groundstaff and Patrice Evra clashed, there is no footage of Evra punching Bethell. Regardless, he was still banned for four matches on Sam Bethell’s word, the member of their groundstaff who was shown to throw a punch at Evra and miss in the CCTV footage.

“I dedicate the victory over Chelsea to the English FA,” said Evra. “I’m doing so because I am still unable to stomach having been given a four-match suspension by them. It is very pleasing to beat Chelsea by three goals, as they are one of our rivals for the title. I hope in any event that this win will give us our confidence back. It is a long time since we scored as many goals in a game.”

It has also been revealed that the man who decided a four-match ban was appropriate for a punch they had no proof to suggest happened, Nicholas Stewart QC, is a season ticket holder at the Emirates. The report was put together by the FA Regulatory Commission for which Stewart is the chairman.

It has been reported that Sir Alex Ferguson was furious upon learning this and was planning to write about it in his programme notes for the Chelsea game. Fortunately, David Gill convinced him it wasn’t the right approach. Maybe Liverpool should think about employing a ‘David Gill’ to keep that fruit loop Benitez quiet!




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