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RoM’s CoM – February

This is the second in a monthly column that is fast becoming my favourite to write. The first one had mixed reviews with people criticising the language and style in which it was written. Apparently it had too much swearing in it which is odd considering the title of this column is “Cunt of the Month”; I would have thought swearing was an assumption! Also, it’s not meant to be taken seriously and I’m not expecting any awards for this writing. It’s a light hearted look at the previous month that gives you some casual reading compared to the usual tactical analysis, match reviews and player profiles that we get. So take that fucking stick out of your fat arse and enjoy the ride!

When I wrote the first article I did say that I would try to include a Man United cunt of the month so as to keep it fair but the month of February has been another good one for the Old Trafford faithful; Top of the league by 15 points, nicely poised in the CL against Madrid and a home FA Cup tie against Chelsea to look forward to…it’s not been a bad month for us at all. But… in the spirit of consistency and integrity I have decided to award the title to Rio Ferdinand for promising that fuckwit Russell Brand tickets to the Madrid game. I know this technically happened on the 1st of March but seeing as Feb is a short month I felt it was OK to include him. I love Rio but that’s just fucking shite especially when you consider Russell Brand is a West Ham fan. Fuck off and blow your bubbles somewhere else you twat!

When coming up with the idea for this award I wanted to exclude the “usual suspects” that included the likes of Stan Collymore, Joey Barton, Piers Morgan and the rest of the controversy seeking, self absorbed tossers that routinely appear as subjects of rants and abuse. However, the month of February saw some heroic efforts to win the award by some of our favourite cunts.

Stan Collymore put in an almost superhuman performance of cuntery as he followed up his “Carrick is United’s Weak Link” claim with a not so subtle dig at United legend George Best; or in his words: “Mr Liver Cirrhosis”. He then proceeded to block the millions of United fans who he hasn’t already blocked on Twitter. You’re not a “Top Red” if that wife-beating, sexual deviant hasn’t blocked you.

Joey Barton also had a cracking month; he started it in fine fashion after mis-quoting a Chinese dictator to back up his point that he’s richer than most of us & so, by his reckoning, more successful than any of us too. This was followed up by a 5-tweet verdict on Oscar Pistorius where Barton, with no evidence or legal training, declared Pistorius guilty. The odious little turd clearly forgetting that his own brother was found guilty of murder after a fair trial that was not played out in the world’s media.

These two could win the award on a monthly basis without any real competition. After banging my head on the wall until my ears bled I proceeded to look for other candidates for the sake of variety. There was a veritable feast of managerial candidates this month:

Arsene Wenger tried to steal the award away by asking “Who’s won more FA Cups” than him? Ummm…Alex Ferguson has. Unfortunately for Arsene, whilst it was a slightly embarrassing slip he won’t get his hands on this piece of silverware either.

Brendan Rodgers put himself forward as a leading candidate with this work of genius uttered after Liverpool lost 2-0 away against Azhi: “It was a near perfect away performance”; Near perfect? NEAR PERFECT?!!?! YOU JUST FUCKING LOST 2-0 YOU FUCKING NOB!!

This was clearly quite funny but somehow Roberto Mancini topped it by declaring himself to be the best manager in the league and subsequently claiming that United are lucky to be so many points clear. He based this on the fact that we get so many goals in injury time citing Robin van Persie’s winner at the Etihad as a perfect example. This is the same man whose team won the league on goal difference thanks to a last second goal in the final game of the season. Some people may call it ironic or hypocritical but to me it’s simply 100% cuntishness. It illustrates the pure bitterness, small mindedness and inferiority complex that has seen Manchester City fans labelled “bitters” Best Manager in the League? He’s not even the best Manager in Manchester the fucking deluded cunt.

It takes a MASSIVE effort to win the award in a month when a disabled athlete shot his girlfriend 4 times through a locked toilet door and then claimed he thought it was an intruder but Roberto Mancini, you are February’s Cunt of the Month. Congratulations you utter cretin.


 

30 Comments

  1. Proverb says:

    Barton takes it hands down for me, the beliebers will agree with me on that one, mancini was beaten by only slight percentage

  2. pzred says:

    Genial article! :)

  3. MyCowIsTheBest says:

    On football terms, CoM has to be Roberto Mancini.

    But at human-level, it has to be Barton.

  4. rhystiano says:

    Could read articles like this all day!!! Brilliant

  5. enzo133 says:

    Piers Morgan every month for me.

  6. Austie says:

    love these articles! “cuntishness” hahaha quality

  7. FletchTHEMAN says:

    Much improved over last month son. You can express yourself with out 4 letter words…. em impressed!

    Bur you missed an opportunity mate. Brendan Rodgers and LFC deserve it for not putting their dog down when they had a chance. First Suarez goes on interview an says it is United’s fault that he was banned and his conscience is clear, the Brendan Rodgers has the audacity to spend most of last month piping his man for POTY. If POTY isn’t, just a little bit, how you act as a man, then I give up on the entire competition.

    All the lad would have to say is he’s sorry and he has learned a great deal and things would be fine. But this continuing to denied that anything happened serves no one ….. except his ego and some really deluded LFC fans.

    Really don’t want to hear another thing from LFC until they can move on. Give it a rest.
    If Terry could move on from his, then Suarez can man up as well.

    Roders for me.

  8. greenhoff77 says:

    Stan Collymore has always been a top c@@t
    best thing frank clark ever did was being ill when fergie rang him to ask if he was for sale.

    top class w@@nker

  9. mara says:

    @ King Eric “3/3/13: Former United midfielder Paul Pogba, who only joined Juventus last summer, is now being touted as a target for Manchester City by The Sunday People.”

    That would be funny…as you said that he is good in Italy, because they play slow football. I would love him to play for Citeh, and play well – then you will in the manner of good fan, find another reason why he is not good.

  10. greenhoff77 says:

    But id like to put foward Mike Wedderburn …the snide sky sports presenter who sneers each time he has to put a positive spin on any united story.

    as a regular to the morning show he can be seen to visably choke on his f@@ing morning coffee each time the weekend results come up and even more so now were in such a good position it makes me smile and rejoice in the fact that he is just a horrible smug blue nose t@at

  11. Bobby Charlton's combover says:

    You should get a hall of fame going. Stick Collymore in there to get us started. Ring him up and tell him if he lets you get a word in edgeways. Fucking nob. Hasn’t a clue about football and hasn’t a clue about how to present a chat show and chair a debate. All he does is shout nonsensical statements in a loud voice over whoever has been stupid enough to ring in thinking they might have their say. Yob.

  12. mancdub says:

    Why would a United fan want Pogba to go to City and be a success. What the fucks all that about. If Pogba goes to City I want the cunt dead.

  13. bankstreet says:

    Sorry Scott – more garbage from this guy, not anywhere near the standard of the usual stuff on RoM – here’s hoping this is the second and last of this column!

  14. wayne says:

    what’s with Russell Brand how the fuck did he become famous what a irritating Douche bag.Not saying Barton is right but Pistorius version of things seems very implausible to me
    Collymore shouldn’t even be employed,with Durham half the time he’s taking the piss and winding people up,Collymore is serious the cunt really does think he’s something else rambling on talking shit in that brummie voice does my head in on a major level
    Bobby Manc could be cunt of the month every month what a obnoxious little twat

  15. GNHS says:

    “Some people may call it ironic or hypocritical but to me it’s simply 100% cuntishness” – brilliant!

  16. denton davey says:

    Wayne @ 14:10: “what’s with Russell Brand how the fuck did he become famous what a irritating Douche bag.”

    You’re almost as old as me – poor bugger ! – but, like me, you’re out-of-sync with the times. I mean – really, sir ! – being irritated by Russell Brand. I suppose that you find Ricky Gervais a pain, too. And let’s not get into that Little Britain crowd, eh ?

  17. wayne says:

    denton no mate love Ricky Gervais no comparison between the two,Office and Extras classic comedy,even the Ricky Gervais show with Karl Pilkington funny as fuck.

  18. King Eric says:

    Nice one. I feel fucking sick that streak of piss cockney cunt Brand has been given tickets. He has no business whatsoever being at OT tomorrow night. I can’t get over Collymore’s claims that Carrcik is our weak link. Fucking opinionated cunt.

    wayne – Office is comedy gold mate. Its on Gold or Dave tonight the first series at 11pm. The one where Tim puts the stapler in a jelly in Gareth’s draw!

  19. King Eric says:

    mara – Ha you couldn’t make it up. Thats EXACTLY the reason I don’t want cunts like Pogba at United. Are you fucking mental? He leaves Le Havre, leaves us (for MONEY) now wants to go to City but hey no you would be happy with that. Joke.

  20. King Eric says:

    mara – I don’t actually remember even saying he is good as footy is slow in Italy. I have just always called him a fucking greedy cunt. Where was he when Juve played their biggest game of season at Celtic park? Benched.

    Greenhoff – Ha I fucking hate that fat bitter cunt Wedderburn. Was giving it large all last season when City were winning the title, barely heard or seen him this season.

  21. King Eric says:

    Bobby Charlton’s Combover – Oh I know mate. I timed a 90 min Call Collymore show the other week and the callers had about SEVENTEEN minutes to voice their opinions. He doesn’t even let his co presenters get a word in.

  22. gfunk says:

    plus he kicks the shit outta women!!!! Collymore>>>>>>>>>>>>King-Cunt of Cunty Land!!!!!!

  23. Israel says:

    How on god’s green earth have you failed to mention the ultimate ABU on SHOUTSport, the horse abusing, no talent, unfunny professional scouser that is Mickey Quinn?

    This is a man who ADMITS on his national radio show that he hates United & is delighted at any United loss. He nearly came in his pants when talking about the bitters winning the league the Saturday after it happened. How Joshua can miss this example of extreme cuntiness l do not know.

  24. King Eric says:

    Israel – Good shout pal. Fucking Quinn the “horse abuser” . Quality. Fucking fat cunt makes no attempt to hide his hatred for United. Bastard.

  25. greenoff77 says:

    Add to this list ….just this minute …….every single blue nose bitter bastards singing “championis” as twatez scores at villa ……”were man city well fightto the end” …..lmao …fuck right off ..

  26. max says:

    U just sound like a bitter, frustrated, critical moaning twat to be fair.

  27. Andrew says:

    Keep it up love it

  28. King Eric says:

    Max. And you sound like a City fan or a dipper who every now and then infiltrates a United blog.

  29. Truestoroy says:

    Brilliant stuff, keep it up!

  30. DreadedRed says:

    max – you just sound like a bitter, frustrated, critical, moaning twat. Fair or not.

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