“An emergency helpline for despondant United fans has been set up, following their defeat at the weekend,” a witty scouse bird said on the news on Radio 1. “So for any fans who are feeling the pain following their game against Liverpool, get in touch on 0800 41 41 41.” Chortle.

There seems to be some confusion though as if anyone needs a hotline, surely it is the scousers. I would suggest the same number be used.

0800 4(points behind) 1 (game in hand) 41 41.”