Harry Hotspur has taken a few minutes to answer some questions for RoM ahead of Tottenham Hotspur’s trip to Old Trafford.
Scott the Red: Where does Spurs finishing top 4 rank with your club’s all time achievements?
Harry Hotspur: I wish people wouldn’t keep bringing that up. We’ll only look hopeless when we never do it again.
STR: What is more important for this season – getting out of the group or securing top 4 for next season?
HH: Top four is the key to everything else, your ability to attract top players, money, girls, free drugs, everything….
STR: That will be more difficult now, given City’s wealth, so with that in mind, what do you hope your team improves on this season?
HH: My hope is that we can establish a coherent striking partnership. Opposed to Crouch deflecting the ball randomly at one of our lot… I expect this will not happen.
STR: Who will be your most important player in helping you be successful this season. Presumably not Crouch and his powers of deflection?
HH: That would be our best player playing to his strengths. So Modric, then.
STR: Is he your favourite at Spurs then? Or someone else?
HH: We all love Van der Vaart [to the tune of Vindaloo]
STR: Grrr. We should have gone for him. If you could have any player from United, who would it be?
HH: Vidic, please.
STR: Good choice. The answer to that is no, but how do you rate United’s chances of signing Bale, Modric or Van der Vaart?
HH: Zero and less than zero, in that order.
STR: Hmm. Interesting. What do you make of the Wayne Rooney situation?
HH: Rooney’s real problem is that he suffers from ‘Notverybrightitis’. I find it difficult to believe that many Manchester fans are prepared to be held emotional hostage to him after all his nonsense. ‘A few goals and it’ll all be forgotten’. Yeah right, that’s what Robbie Keane said. We’re still waiting for the goals. These guys are so far removed from reality it is impossible to sympathize with them. Impossible. Greed, vanity and a big dash of delusion. No thanks.
STR: Speaking of Keane, has he won his place back in Spurs fans’ hearts after his whole ‘Liverpool dream club and kissing the badge’ episode?
HH: Keane is hopefully just biding his time before returning to Scotland. I’d be delighted never to see his flat whiny face in a Spurs shirt again. Yes, he was a magnificent player. Then he acted like a cad and having free will, I decided to change my opinion of him.
STR: Finally, what’s your prediction for the match?
HH: My nailed on prediction is that the goals on either side won’t come from strikers.
Read STR’s interview with HH on Harry Hotspur.
The RoM 2016-17 Season Preview is available for just £5. It includes an EXCLUSIVE interview with Mikael Silvestre, a Q&A with the country's top journalists about our transfer targets, articles by brilliant United writers, and so much more. All profit goes to Trafford Macmillan so please support this fantastic cause.