April 24th 2012: After 37 minutes in Chelsea’s Champions League semi-final at the Nou Camp, Terry was sent off for kneeing Alexis Sanchez in the back off the ball. From the dressing room, Terry preposterously claimed: “The player checked his run and piled into the back of me. He put his weight on the back foot, that’s why my knee went up. I’ve not had a booking in the Champions League this year. I would not deliberately strike another player. That would be madness.” Yes, it would be madness, and it is also exactly what happened. After watching the replay, he realised he couldn’t lie his way out of this one, so put out a half-hearted apology, but this time claimed he kneed Sanchez to protect himself. “At the time, I was bewildered because I was trying to protect myself a little bit, but looking at it on the replay, I’ve no complaints. I’ve let the lads down. I deserved to be sent off. I tried to protect myself and raised my knee, but realise I should not have done. I’m not that type of player.” What was he protecting himself from? Make up your own mind.

October 23rd 2011: Terry is accused of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand after video footage appears of him apparently saying “Oi! Anton! You fucking black cunt!” After the game, Terry claimed he had resolved the issue with Anton, although the QPR defender didn’t find out about the incident until later that evening. Terry then conceded he did use the racial  slur but insists he said “Oi! Anton! Do you think I called you a fucking black cunt?” Make up your own mind.

December 20th 2009: Terry caught selling tours around Chelsea’s training ground, without the knowledge of the club, for £10,000 a pop. Investigated by the FA and Chelsea FC.

November 16th 2009: Terry’s dad is caught dealing cocaine by undercover reporters.

March 27th 2009: Terry’s mum is arrested and cautioned for shoplifting £800 worth of goods.

March 19th 2008: Terry fined for parking his Bentley in a disabled parking spot.

November 5th 2006: Terry was sent off in Chelsea’s 2-1 defeat to Tottenham Hotspur at White Hart Lane and was accused of racially abusing Ledley King. He was rumoured to have said “shut up you lippy black monkey” which lead to the black players on the Spurs team, Chimbonda and Zakora, going mad. There appeared to be no offence from Terry yet he walked calmly off the pitch after being shown the red card. He was fined £10,000 for inappropriate conduct.

November 11th 2005: Got it off with a 17-year-old behind then fiancée Toni Poole’s back. Terry admitted this was one of eight women he had cheated on Poole with.

April 25th 2004: Got it off with a prozzie behind then girlfriend Toni Poole’s back.

February 2002: Terry was caught on camera pissing in a glass during a night out in a bar before throwing the glass on the floor.

January 5th 2002: Terry was charged with assault and affray after a confrontation with a nightclub bouncer. Terry was suspended from England duty and subsequently missed out on the 2002 World Cup. He was later cleared of wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm, unlawful wounding, possessing a bottle as an offensive weapon and affray.

September 12th 2001: Terry mocks American tourists about September 11th in a pub when drunk less than 24 hours after the tragedy occurred.