Oh those mad Geordies eh? Emotional Kevin Keegan has walked out on his beloved team, the club he almost won the league with, leaving Newcastle fans debating whether to show up for their next home match against Hull.

Alan Shearer, a man famed for turning down United to play out 10 trophyless years with Newcastle, has spoken out about his distress.

“This is a very sad situation and Newcastle are in the headlines for the wrong reasons again,” he solemnly said. “Like everyone else, I just don’t know when this will end. And people have been asking this for a long time. It seemed it was ending with a big-money owner coming in and the return of the manager everyone wanted in Kevin. They had a man there in Kevin who cared so passionately about the football club. There are 52,000 supporters there every week and he is on their wavelength. He is one of them and they worship the ground he walks on. He can walk away with his head held high, because he did a decent job. But a great opportunity has been missed here. That is very sad.”

Sadly, Shearer is talking bollocks. In Newcastle’s only home game of the season so far, only 47,000 fans showed up. Not looking good for the ol barcodes. Aww.