John Obi Mikel, what a prick. After signing for Manchester United and smiling for the cameras at the press conference, he clearly got word of the news he could be earning a lot more at Chelsea. He disappeared, stomped his feet, before United eventually gave in and sold him to the rentboys before he’d even played a game for us.

Of course, it wasn’t all bad. United were paid £12 million for the teenager, whose ink had barely dried on the contract with us, when Roman Abramovich was more than happy to splash the cash.

Mikel wasted a year of his career when desperately trying to get out of the contract with us, before finally playing for Chelsea and losing out to United in the title both of his two seasons, whilst also losing to us in the European Cup final. What a dick.

The problems didn’t stop there though, with Chelsea claiming the transfer showed a “fraudulent misrepresentation that Mikel had an employment contract with Lyn.”

It appears as though Lyn Oslo’s chief executive, Morgan Andersen, had forged some documents relating to Mikel before the player was sold. The case was in and out of the courts, with some reports suggesting United would have to reimburse Chelsea of the £12 million we’d been given for the player.

However, the situation has been resolved once and for all today, with Lyn settling out of court, apparently with it having nothing to do with United. Result.

“Chelsea Football Club and FC Lyn Oslo have resolved all matters between the two clubs with regard to John Mikel Obi,” read a statement of the official Chelsea website. “The terms of the agreement will remain confidential. There will be no further comment.”