Just For A Laugh - Messi and Kaka To Big Club Chelsea

When news broke that Jose Mourinho had left Chelsea, I was over the moon. Despite having a poor start to the season, it was clear what effect Mourinho had on the confidence of his players, and that is not the kind of man you want in charge of the opposition.

I often wonder how those fans, in a half empty Stamford Bridge, feel about the fact they booed off their Special One in his last game in charge. The lack of support from the fans was all the excuse needed for Roman Abramovich to give Mourinho the push, so just two days after Mourinho left the jeering Chelsea fans following the 1-1 draw with Rosenburg, he was looking for a new job.

Now, I have had probably more than my fair share of pops at Mourinho’s replacement, Avram Grant, but the man just makes it too easy. Whilst I can’t argue with the fact Chelsea have done bloody well to keep up with United this season, though forced to admit, we’ve been far from our best for chunks of it, I do wonder whether Chelsea’s good form in the league is a credit to Grant. Some people will feel I’m being overly critical of the man, who I consider to be a moron, but I find it hard to believe it is thanks to his tactics and managerial talent that Chelsea have in the race. Whilst the squad Grant has been passed on is inferior to the squad Mourinho was given (which is quite astounding considering the amount Jose spent), lacking in the talented depth Ranieri created, there is no denying they’ve still got lots of bloody good players. Just because England can’t manage it, doesn’t mean the same can be said of all teams. Some players are capable of pulling together and winning, regardless of who the manager is.

We’ve seen Chelsea knocked out of the FA Cup to Barnsley and lose in the Carling Cup final to Spurs, both of which are things that would certainly never happen under Mourinho. Grant just doesn’t seem to have what it takes and I would be suicidal if he was in charge of our club.

Today, he has really gone on to confirm my suspicions that he is totally clueless, when speculating over who may join the club in this summer’s transfer window. “We want to be more consistent and of course I need players who can help with this,” he said. “Will it take a flair player like Kaka or Messi? I will not reject that one of those names will be here. Will they come? I think so, yes.”

Hold on, Kaka and Messi are going to leave AC Milan and Barcelona to play for Avram Grant at Chelsea? Is he smoking crack? Was Mourinho still at the club, then despite their fall from grace over the past couple of seasons, I’m sure the money could have had the final say in the matter. But two of the best players in the World aren’t going to join a side with little to no European pedigree (particularly in the priority competition in Europe), who haven’t won the title for two years (here’s hoping!) and are managed by an unknown bore. Even the money Roman would be prepared to offer up wouldn’t be enough to console these players over Chelsea’s shortcomings. 

But it does get better. Why will Kaka and Messi join Chelsea? “This is a big club.” To quote a whole host of cockney arseholes, are you having a bubble?? If we want to start talking about massive clubs, like Newcastle and City, then sure, we could throw Chelsea in to the mix. But if we’re talking about “big clubs” in any serious sense, we’re talking about the likes of Manchester United, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Liverpool (vomit), Barcelona, Juventus, Bayern Munich and the like. Teams who have a shed load of titles to their name and have competed in Europe for decades. Add that to the list of things Roman’s money can’t buy. 

I’ll be more than happy to see Grant in charge of Chelsea come May, and won’t hold my breath on him being able to lure Kaka and Messi to the Premiership. Him staying at the club will boost our title bid more than any signing could!