After harassing our player via the media last summer, Ramon Calderon, who was then the Real Madrid president, made an attempt to ‘make friends’ with United. He claimed he never meant to do anything to ‘disturb’ a ‘nice and friendly club’ like United. Do me a fucking favour.

Calderon’s replacement, Florentino Perez, who has shown that being a twat is part of the job description as Real president, has tried the same approach today.

“If one day there is a chance of Ronaldo playing for Real Madrid, that would be an honour for us,” said Perez. “But if I had to choose between the friendship with Manchester United and the signing of Ronaldo, I would choose the friendship. Plus, I have never said that Cristiano will arrive in June. That is an arrogant and false statement. I shall be talking with United manager Sir Alex Ferguson and chief executive David Gill to build bridges.”

Oh do fuck off.