Red Issue Recognises The Republik

“New Red Issue OUT today,” are words that make me happy as I walk down Warwick Road on the way to the ground. The official programme isn’t really my cup of tea, so I look forward to the days when Red Issue is out so I can have a decent read before kick off and at half time.

Mr Spleen, G-Stand Grumbler, is where I flick to first, finding his appraisals of United both amusing and bang on. The recent write up on Arsenal had me nodding in agreement whilst chuckling heartily.

“Like toddlers over-dosing on blue Smarties, Sunny Delight and assorted E-numbers at a birthday party, sooner or later the madness strikes and they run around screaming and vomiting and generally fucking up for everyone. And now Uncle Arsene has gone and done it again. Just when the national press were indulging in a collective clusterfuck over his so-called Invincibles, smacked arse syndrome kicks in and any residual sympathy goes out of the window. According to Monsieur Wenger, Arsenal are the victims of a conspiracy, in which the entire football world is out to do them down. Teams are sent out to kick them into submission and referees pick on his players when it comes to dishing out cards. Oh, and they’re the only team who have ever had a player break his leg.

Unusually for this column, we will now dabble in those strange things called facts. Yes, brace yourselves, like a Bertie biting a pillow in a Hamburg hotel. Here goes Wenger: “The real basic problem in the League is that for the past three years we are the team which has committed fewer fouls than any other team, the team who is fouled more than any other team, and the team who is punished more than any other team. Facts are facts. It is true. Every four fouls Arsenal gets a yellow card and every nine fouls some other teams get yellow cards. The numbers are available everybody. Look at them.”

There’s only one measured, grown-up response to that statement: Liar, liar, pants on fucking fire.”

In the next issue however, Mr Spleen dealt some rather harsh criticism Wes Brown’s way, leaving me compelled to write and put a few things straight.

As I have addressed on this blog in the past, I think Wes Brown has been dealt a raw deal by the club in regards to his latest contract offer. Whilst agreeing with Mr. Spleen on it being ridiculous that £40-45k a week is “not enough”, with Wes being offered more money a week than most of us will see in a couple of years, he is still not being offered a wage that represents his role within our club. The current offer would see him earning less than John O’Shea, with United trying to save the pennies on Wes’ contract, believing they can take the piss out of him because he’s a local lad and committed to the club.

Following Wes Brown’s opening goal against the dippers yesterday, I’m sure we’ll find more and more fans signing up to the “Keep Wesley Brown” campaign. We cannot underestimate the effect local lads have on our team on the big days like yesterday, and for the sake of an extra £5k a week, United would be absolutely mad not to keep him at the club.

Will the club offer Brown what he wants to stay?