Ahead of Manchester United’s opening game of the season, Cristiano Ronaldo has added another award to the collection, pipping David Beckham and The Village People to the prize.

“Ronaldo’s ripped body, slicked-back hair, shiny white teeth and jewellery swung the votes his way. He looks like any gay man or woman’s dream. What with being Footballer of the Year, scoring 42 goals last season and former girlfriends saying he is talented off the pitch, he seems to have everything going for him.”

A popular gay website surveyed 3,000 men as to who they believed to be the biggest gay icon. Ronaldo clinched it, followed by Kylie Minogue, Judy Garland, Elton John, Liza Minnelli, The Village People, David Beckham, George Michael, John Barrowman and Paul O’Grady.

What an honour. Congrats Cristiano.