The Guardian kindly sent me their review for the football year ahead, The Season. Here are the best bits:
Four In A Row
United’s idea of dreamland
Winning the title to go 19-18 ahead of Liverpool, Rafa Benitez and Steven Gerrard falling out irrevocably over how to pronounce the word “fact”, Carlos Tevez getting injured and, unable to exercise, ballooning to 25 stone by Christmas.
Last season in stats
Shot conversion rate
West Brom: 30
West Ham: 30
Goals outside the box
Goals in the last ten minutes
West Ham: 76.1%
West Ham: 44.4%
If United had three wishes…
1. Liverpool to get relegate
2. Michael Owen to score the winner at Anfield to clinch the title and relegate Liverpool before kissing the badge and flicking a V at the Kop.
3. Electric cars, bio fuels and wind farms make oil production redundant, thus bankrupting Sheikh Mansour Bin Zayed al-Nahyan.
The Michael Owen-style brouches you might have missed…
The Man, the Leader, the Man
John Terry is more than just a footballer. He is more than just ‘John Terry’. He’s bigger than a brand, more exciting than an unexpected late-night phone call and slightly heavier than a large coffee table.
John Terry is a man who thrives on the fresh challenge of a huge test. This is your chance to become a part of John’s incredible new challenge, while also sounding up for challenges yourself. Just like John Terry.
John has spiky hair and sad, empty-looking eyes. John is a legend and a leader of leaders. He’s a presence. He wears a tiara of some sort. He owns a cape. But he feels a bit bored and might have a new contract to negotiate at some point.
United’s points per game 08/09
against the top 4: 1.83
against the rest: 2.67