Remember when Rafael Benitez showed up a match day press conference with a list of notes which he falsely claimed to be facts?

Looks like Manchester United has sent someone else barmy, with Carlos Tevez exploding on ESPN Argentina. Ranting, contradicting himself and expecting the United captain to side with him over the manager. What a totally bizarre man.

“My celebration was directed at Gary Neville,” said Tevez. “He acted like a complete sock-sucker [boot-licker] when he said I wasn’t worth £25m just to suck up to the manager. I don’t know what the hell that idiot is talking about me for. I never said anything about him. I will never show a lack of respect towards anyone. Just as I was running off to celebrate the penalty I had scored, I came across Gary and I said to myself: “Shut your trap, keep quiet”. I didn’t go overboard in my celebration and it was directed at Gary, not at Ferguson and not at the fans. I think he did the wrong thing because I was his team-mate and I never said anything bad about him. He was saying that Ferguson was right when he said that I wasn’t worth £25m, when he was saying this and that … I always respected Neville.”

Tevez then goes on to reveal his ignorance in embarrassing fashion.

“I was at lunch with the players in the team hotel and all the papers were laid out,” said Tevez. “I read them – well, ‘read them’, obviously I don’t read [English]. My team-mates were telling me about it and asking what I thought.”

After all, he’s only been living in England for almost four years, why on earth would he be able to speak the language? Ignorant twat.

“I wondered to myself: what’s the tarado [moron] talking about me for when I never said anything about him, when there was never any [issue] with us. It was a lack of respect for a compañero [fellow footballer], aside of the fact that we had won a lot of things together.”

Now, you may be wondering what it was Neville said to get Tevez so upset.

“The manager over the years has made many decisions with regard to players coming and going – and he has almost always been proved correct,” said Neville. “Over a period of 20 years he may have got one or two wrong, and I think he has admitted that himself, but he knows exactly what he’s doing and he understands when a player’s time is up. I can’t disagree with his decision on Tevez. He was a good player for us but, if the financial demands are too big, then that’s just the way it goes.”

What does Tevez expect Neville to say? The one goal he scored every six hours on the pitch last season was certainly worth the £25-47m and I’m gutted he left for City? I think the manager who I have played under for the best part of two decades made a massive mistake?

Equally, how can he accuse someone of disrespect, then go on to label them a moron? It’s got to take someone pretty special not to see the idiocy in that.

You do have to wonder about Tevez’s mental capacity. I know footballers aren’t often candidates for Mensa, but just how backward is he?