After every occasion when we’ve played Stoke, I’ve been unable to comment on the match without commenting on what a sad bunch of no marks their fans are. Last season, they were more obsessed with hating Cristiano Ronaldo than they were supporting their own team. They boo our players off at half time rather than applaud their own. Like even the reasonable Stoke fan I spoke to this week said, they “love to hate here at Stoke.”

Watching Liverpool fans cheering in the crowd last weekend when Frank Lampard put Chelsea 2-0 up was pathetic, but to a certain extent, at least they have a real reason. United and Liverpool are rivals, both wanting to be the first to reach 19 titles, and the hatred between our clubs is unmatched by any other rivalries in the country. But who the fuck are Stoke? There’s no rivalry there. I don’t know how often they sell out their ground or when the last time they won a trophy was because I don’t give a shit, so who are they to sing about hating United and celebrating Chelsea’s success?

The behaviour of Stoke fans today was even worse than those Liverpool fans because they really had nothing to gain. As their team got played off the park by United, they were ecstatic every time Chelsea scored. With United 3-0 up, the Stoke fans started chanting “Easy!” after Chelsea’s latest goal went in. It was utterly bizarre.

“Who the fuck, who the fuck, who the fuck do you support?” responded the Stretford End, followed by “Chelsea rent boys, Chelsea rent boys, woooah, woooah”. This didn’t phase them. They really didn’t care that they were offering no support for their own team, other than a couple of renditions of the campest anthem ever dreamed up, in Tom Jones’ Delilah. Poor Shawcross, he deserves a better bunch than that rabble.

They then started singing “Are you Norwich in disguise?” which of course is not unique to them, but they were very pleased with themselves regardless. It makes you think though, if we were Norwich in disguise, we would be doing a pretty shit job of it by wearing green and yellow scarves. If I was a Norwich fan in disguise, I’d probably wear blue or red, not the club’s actual colours, because that’s not really a fucking disguise is it.

Then they started telling us that we were going to win fuck all, forgetting that we’ve already got a trophy in the bag. In fact, 2005 was the last year Manchester United won “fuck all”. Do you think they work hard at coming across as special needs or do you reckon it comes naturally?

The saddest thing of all though, is that if they had been at Stamford Bridge today and the tables had been turned, they would have been celebrating every United goal instead.

What a bunch of twats.