The Season - United Without Ronaldo

The Guardian is bringing out their preview of the season on Monday, which will provide you with team-by-team information as well as off-the-wall and interesting critiques on the football league’s top teams.

The most sought after topic, as always, is Manchester United, with The Season discussing at length what life will be like without Cristiano Ronaldo, for other fans in this league as much as us! Here is just a snippet:

Most fans pay to participate. To chant and point and turn red in the face with the self-righteous wrath of someone who has just blown the family holiday budget to keep a bunch of preening prima donna millionaires in chest wax and emerald encrusted manbags. This is why the sight of Cristiano Ronaldo kissing the Real Madrid badge as he paraded around the Bernabéu back in July will have left most Premier League supporters feeling listless and bereft. Because when it comes to getting a stadium on its feet, quite often howling and making masturbatory gestures, we have never seen his equal. David Beckham was burned in effigy and taunted about his wife’s alleged sexual preferences, but frankly the Portuguese winger has taken it to a whole new level.

This leaves a hell of a burden on the shoulders of Ashley Cole. Don’t get me wrong, the lad has done brilliantly so far, and the vomit-in-the-taxi incident showed a touch of true genius. Cole has been described as self-centred, spiteful and woefully out of touch with reality. The next nine months will give him his big chance to prove the critics right. Let’s hope he grasps it, preferably in an off-hand manner with a scowl of disappointment.

The Season, which includes plenty of stats and rumours, will also look at:

• Manchester City’s prospects after spending almost £100m in the summer
• Rafael Benitez, Liverpool’s history and their need for the title
• Foreign players’ experiences in England focusing on Wigan’s Roberto Martinez
• World Cup qualifying clips and great World Cup clichés
• Newcastle’s chances of getting out of a tough Championship
• Carlo Ancelotti’s Twitter page
• The Michael Owen-style brochures you might have missed
• The possible shift in power from the Premier League to La Liga
• ESPN and the BBC’s involvement in showing live football
• A funny look at the new and very complicated Europa League
• Uefa’s experiment with five referees per match

Last season The Guardian ignored Sir Alex Ferguson’s wisdom and predicted Chelsea would finish above United. I wonder if they’ve had a bit more sense this year… my reaction will be out in full on Monday morning.