Pretty much every day is a slow news day at the moment, so let’s take a look at those rat-munchers in Merseyside. The day after losing their opening friendly of the pre-season, Steven Gerrard appeared in court on charges of affray. The men who were with him that night have all pleaded guilty leaving Gerrard to stand trial alone.

Prosecutor David Turner QC claims that the fight started at the Lounge Inn, in Southport, Merseyside, when Gerrard asked McGee for a card that controlled the music in the bar.

Turner alleges that Gerrard said to McGee: “Here y’are lad. Give me that lad.”

He went on to say: “Mr McGee took offence at his attitude and the expression ‘lad’ and he refused. Not many people on Merseyside, or indeed anywhere else, would refuse a request from Steven Gerrard but Mr McGee did.

“There can be no doubt that this refusal astounded Steven Gerrard. He walked away back to his party but the CCTV shows how much his mood had changed. He was no longer the centre of that high spirited party.

“He was clearly walking around pondering, musing over what had happened – about the man who said ‘no’ to Steven Gerrard.”

Gerrard then allegedly went back to confront McGee, and his friend John Doran – who has pleaded guilty to affray – threw the first blow in a physical confrontation.

The prosecution then alleged: “We say at this stage Gerrard totally lost it. Almost immediately after the blow from John Doran, in fact within seconds, Steven Gerrard joined in the attack with a succession of well aimed uppercut punches delivered with the style and speed of a professional boxer rather than a professional footballer.”

Same ol scousers.