There’s been a RoM competition overload since the season ended. Yes, I’m as bored as you all are. There was the Summer Competition and then the Michael Owen competition. The prize for these competitions was a shirt of choice from the Republik of Mancunia shop.

The prize on offer for this competition is two tickets in the South Stand to watch United train the day before the Community Shield.

In third place, Eric with an oldie but a goodie:

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Liverpool fans too. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: “Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?”

“Because I’m not a Liverpool fan,” she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asks: “Well, if you’re not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?”

“I’m a Manchester United fan, and proud of it,” Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. “Mary, why are you a United fan?”

“Because my mum and dad are from Manchester, and my mum is a United fan and my dad is a United fan, so I’m a United fan too!”

“Well,” said the teacher, in an annoyed tone, “that’s no reason for you to be a United fan. You don’t have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a whore and your dad was a druggie, what would you be then?”

“Then,” Mary smiled, “I’d be a Liverpool fan.”

In second place, Chris Leonard from Gorton aims one at the bitters:

Mark Hughes and Sir Alex Ferguson sat around a table enjoying a glass of red wine when a genie appears. The genie says to them both, “I will grant you one wish each”.

Hughes jumps up and states, “That’s easy, I want my bunch of mercenaries and council tenants to break into the top four this year,” and sits down beaming proudly.

Ferguson sits back, has a quick think and says, “Right, I want to win the league without losing a game, I want the FA Cup, the Carling Cup and Charity Shield. I want to beat Liverpool in the European Cup Final. I want Tevez to break his leg in the first derby game. Oh, and I want Ronaldo back.”

The genie sighs and says, “Fuck me Fergie, that’s a tall order isn’t it?”

Fergie simply points to Hughes and says, “Well that daft cunt started it!”

And our winner, Robin Johnson from Chester:

Arsene Wenger, trying to figure out how to develop his youngsters to fulfill their potential like the Manchester United Class of 1995, decided to take ask Sir Alex Ferguson if he could have a chat about such matters. Friends in the light of the events of recent years, Ferguson agreed, and Wenger met him at Carrington training ground the next day, and asked “Sir Alex, how do you do it?”

Sir Alex, being a wily old fox, said “Well, it’s simple. I just ask them questions to keep their brains sharp. For example…” and at that very moment, Wayne Rooney passed them by. “Wayne!” Sir Alex barked “He is not your brother, but he is your father’s son. Who is he?” and Wayne instantly replied “Well, that’s easy boss, it’s me!”

Impressed, Wenger went to train his Arsenal squad the next day and, upon arrival, spotted captain Cesc Fabregas. “Cesc! He is not your brother, but he is your father’s son. Who is he?” asked Wenger and, completely confused, Fabregas stuttered “I… I don’t know boss… can I give you an answer tommorow?” which Wenger agreed would be satisfactory.

Fabregas sat up in bed late that night, pondering the question but getting nowhere. Finally, he decided to phone up his good friend Thierry Henry in Barcelona. “Thierry, I need some help – he is not your brother, but he is your father’s son. Who is he?” to which Henry replied “Simple, it’s me!”

So, the next morning, Fabregas headed straight away for Wenger’s office. “I have an answer for you boss,” he said confidently. So when Wenger asked “He is not your brother, but he is your father’s son. Who is he?” Fabregas proudly puffed out his chest before replying. “That’s easy boss, it’s Thierry Henry!”

Wenger, furious, replied “No it isn’t you idiot, it’s Wayne Rooney!”