An MP in our fine and morally superior House of Commons this week revealed it’s Ryan Giggs at the centre of the Twitter saga.

Well, I was shocked, I had no idea it was him. I’d like to thank this MP for guiding me. The public service he demonstrated was what this country has been lacking.

I’d like to thank him for breaking a law he didn’t agree with just to inform The Great British Public™ about the indiscretions of a footballer. The law is clearly an ass and when you disagree with an aspect of it, why bother with the correct procedures when time is of the essence? The Great British Public ™ deserved to know and this is the kind of thing Parliamentary Privilege was invented for. Surely.

There are people in this country who don’t use Twitter or have access to any grapevine and Mr. Hemmings was standing up for these little people. Why should gossip be restricted to those able to use social media? The Great British Public™ will not tolerate a two-tier society when it comes to tittle-tattle.

I’m overwhelmed by this gesture of honesty from John Hemmings MP. This isn’t the first time from him, oh no! Remember the outing of Sir Fred Goodwin, that nasty nasty banker, in the House of Commons? Well that was none other than our new modern-day-hero Hemmings. Indeed in 2005 he stood up for honesty when he nominated himself for Rat of the Year with the News of the World.

He’d got his researcher pregnant but don’t worry about that trivial little snippet as he wiped the slate clean by being honest about it and indeed publicising it. Clearly the moral of the story here is that infidelity is fine; it’s not telling the world about it which causes issues. Finally this man has pointed his moral compass towards our dirty game of football.

John Hemmings MP has put his own interests to one side, bravely dealing with all the publicity this brings him, to stand up for The Great British Public™. In these troubling times we must be thankful that our MP’s are willing to tackle these issues.

And now to poor Imogen. How this footballer could have used this shy, non-assuming girl, for his own ends is shocking. She genuinely loved him and clearly would have felt the same had he been Ryan-the-Roofer. Poor Imogen was just incredibly unlucky that the man who stole her heart was a world famous footballer. It wasn’t the first time this type of bad luck had befallen our Imogen, just ask Jermain Defoe and if you can’t get hold of him try Russell Brand.

After leaving the lady heartbroken, the footballer then tried to deny her the therapy and healing that sharing her story with others would bring. They say it’s best to talk and share these things but Mr. Giggs denied this poor girl that chance. Sitting down with a friendly reporter from the Sun, supported by advisor Max Clifford, and letting all her feelings out would surely have been beneficial to her emotional well being at the time.

He’s used her; I’d forgotten her name until she appeared in the media again and now she is being chased by paparazzi. I hope she manages to cope with the intrusion.

People in normal life don’t have affairs but this behavior will only encourage the working class masses to do so. Before we know it they’ll be fornicating in the streets. Perhaps more sad than this is that my attempts to use footballers as a parental tool have yet again floundered. What with Wayne Rooney swearing at a camera and Ryan Giggs now using a poor innocent girl, I do wonder how I’m supposed to bring up my children properly.

We football fans have a lot to answer for, singing the names of these ‘men’ without fully taking into account their behaviour off the field. I hope the suffering of people like Imogen Thomas makes you think twice in future and you consider looking into a players private life, carrying out a CRB check and perhaps have them followed at night, before launching into tunes about how great a player is. As, clearly demonstrated by our two heroes of the week, what a footballer does outside of football is plainly relevant.

So thank you John Hemmings MP and apologies to Imogen Thomas, these footballers we support are clearly a stain on our once great society.

A disappointed, let-down, disillusioned, shocked, and morally cast adrift Football Fan.

Written by Annie Eaves from The Mirror. Follow her on Twitter.